Decisions, decisions

Have you ever wondered how different your life would be if you'd done something differently in your past?

I'm not only talking about the big decisions that take lots of consideration and weighing of pros and cons, but even the little ones. Lots of people have heard of the Butterfly Effect, and how a supposed flap of a butterfly's wings could cause a hurricane thousands of miles away, but how many actually take the time to step back and think about it?

I've had a lot of time to think recently, and a lot of that thinking has gone towards my past and how my life has unfolded. There are the big decisions, like where I decided to go to school, where I've decided to work, what I chose to take classes in, and etcetera...but what's really getting me are the little things.

Would I be the same person I am today if I had never attended Aunt Theresa's birthday the summer between Grade 9 and 10, spending the entire night there having fun with my cousins, an event which I hold as one of my fondest memories because it was so good that it pushed me over the edge when I got back, making me realize how terrible my life was after I was reminded what it means to be happy.

What about if I had never strolled past the Kappa Sigma booth in Mac Hall during rush week? I never thought that joining a fraternity would be such a huge change for my life, but I'm currently in my second stint living at the frat house and almost every single person I met while attending the U of C I met only because I joined the frat, through some weird extension or another (friends of friends of friends and etc.). If I would have simply never walked past the booth at the right time, or simply chosen to not pledge, my life would be nowhere near what it is today.

Hell, what if I had chosen McDonalds over Wendy's five years ago? What if I chose to stay home instead of going out to the bar two years ago?

All of these choices, both significant and insignificant, can lead to sequences of events that change our lives in ways that we can't even imagine. It feels like the world as it is right now, with humans able to travel to space, able talk to someone face to face through a computer screen even though they are thousands of miles away, possessing weapons powerful enough to destroy EVERYTHING in an instant, completely lucked out. The slighest, narrowest, most ignorable change from hundreds or thousands of years ago could have made none of this possible.

Or, it could have made us all the better. What if Hitler had died when he was fighting in World War One? What if the Bible was never written?

Would my life be better or worse than it currently is because of past choices? It's impossible to say and it's enough to drive a person fucking nuts to think too much about. Whether we like to admit it or not, EVERYONE holds regrets about their pasts, big and small. But how are we to know that going back and changing things would necessarily make us happier?

I don't like to think about fate...having everything "set" to happen to you isn't a very reassuring notion, because who knows which people fate will favour and which ones fate will fuck over.

There isn't much that we can do except try and live our lives as best as we possibly can...and hope that those little, seemingly insignificant things that we do will only make things better, instead of worse.